Volunteer Bereavement Support Brochure

When A Death Occurs

“Is it normal to feel like this when somebody dies?”

“What is normal grief?”

Grief involves a range of emotional, physical and

spiritual responses, which you may not be used to dealing with.

You may experience deep sadness and loneliness, when you long to see the person who has died and miss their physical presence. It is often difficult to put into words how painful the feelings of grief are and you may wonder if it will ever get any better. You may experience guilt about something you said or failed to say before the person died or regret things that happened years ago. You may feel angry after the person has died. The anger can be because of different things. Grief is a very complex process and affects everyone differently.

Some of the different physical reactions you may experience include sleep disturbance, changes in your appetite, increased levels of anxiety, stomach upsets and headaches. People sometimes experience pain in their chest or stomach. If physical symptoms persist over a prolonged period then it can be helpful to talk to your family doctor and get these checked out.

When someone close dies you may struggle to make sense of the experience. It can challenge your faith. Many people will experience a changing relationship with God as they journey through bereavement. Each grief reaction is unique and it is impossible to know how you are going to be during the bereavement. Nobody can tell you how you are going to feel.

The Family

When somebody in the family dies it affects the whole family. However, each person is grieving a different relationship with the deceased. One person may be grieving the loss of a spouse while for others it is a parent or a brother or a sister.

The family as a whole has to adapt to life without the person physically present. The different roles, which people have in the family, must change to take account of this. This adjustment is happening at the same time as family members are grieving and it can be a very emotional and tense time for everybody. This is normal and happens to all grieving families.

Families differ in how much they talk about sad and painful issues. Some families find it very difficult to share their emotional journey with one another as they travel through bereavement. It will be helpful if you can talk to other family members about your experience of bereavement, although it is important to remember that everyone in that family may be grieving differently.

Children

Children grieve too when somebody dies. Their response will be appropriate to their age and it is important to understand this process. Very young children may not fully understand the concept of death but they certainly react when somebody dies. This reaction will often be shown in their behaviour.

Children need reassurance that they will be looked after and may ask repeated questions which need to be answered. They may experience intense outbursts of grief followed by periods when it appears that they are unaffected by the death. This is normal and can be expected.

Grieving children may go back to behaving in a way typical of when they were younger. Other children may try to take on more responsibility in the family than they should and this is something to be careful about. However, it is important to remember that children have the right to comfort other family members who are grieving and this may help them contribute to the changes going on within the family.

What Can Help?

• It is normal to grieve when somebody dies. Remember grief is not a disease!

• Try not to make more major changes in your life than you have to. Whatever you do or wherever you go you bring your grief with you.

• Try to look after yourself, try to eat well and spoil yourself.

• Remember you will be changed by your experience of bereavement.

• Remember people grieve differently within the family.

• Many people experience waves of grief with little control over them. Over time these occur less frequently. Normal grieving lasts between two and three years before stability is reached.

• Bereavement Support Service:

• It can help to talk to somebody outside your family and circle of friends about your experience in this area!

• If you do not have the Acrobat Reader, it is available free at Adobe Systems.

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